am not so excited though..
but, i guess, this is time to go..
Denial was i think the main 'theme' of my coming over.. Now, more than ever, i believe that i have a heart to fix, and a life to live-so no more time for the things of the past.. I cannot dwell on it any longer, because i know myself.. Because i know, that if i keep myself taped in this very exhausting, 'overdue' misery, in weeks time my parents will have to send me out there: where sounds of airplanes coming and going will make me worse..hahahah! funny! i know! but, it seems like it..
Am abnormal, i think.. Most of my friends also think i am..lol! They think am abnormal enough that even if i get extraordinarily depressed or irritated or discouraged, i just don't get to act appropriately.. I just could not get into my senses, i could not imagine myself getting angry, because i have never been angry i think or because there was not so much of personal experiences that cultivated much of my primitive emotions..(i remember last week when jan-jan, ailee and me had reflexology.The pain was just excruciating that i started to sweat really seriously but everyone looking at me were laughing. Because my words don't match my expressions. i was smiling!).. Renan would tell me (often) that it's not healthy at all. That i should let out all that i feel because i might hit 'one time:big time' blast, and all the people around me might hate me for it-they might think i have changed overnight.. I have practiced my anger skills slowly though, with renan.heheheh! He would complain when i bring out a crispy tone of angst on him,because he thinks he's the only person i'd get to do that to.But i tell him it's because, he's also one of the persons (not mentioning the other) i know would not take it personally on me..
What a big progress i have made in Cebu! I thought i do not go through the normal grieving route.i always end up with depression then acceptance, just that two, over and over again.. But, thank you to my 'solitary moments' and my friends' 'wisdom', i am on track.. Now, i think am angry.. Am angry because for the first time, i have heard what i have been dreading to hear all these years.. I have opted to listen to what my friends were keeping to say from me, because they know i will be hurt.. But now! i have decided to learn about them..
pero karon, ang akong uwahi nga gabi-e dri sa sugbu! =)
nagpalit lang mig pizza(libre ni ailee), softdrinks(libre ni JP), ug litson manok..
but, i guess, this is time to go..
Denial was i think the main 'theme' of my coming over.. Now, more than ever, i believe that i have a heart to fix, and a life to live-so no more time for the things of the past.. I cannot dwell on it any longer, because i know myself.. Because i know, that if i keep myself taped in this very exhausting, 'overdue' misery, in weeks time my parents will have to send me out there: where sounds of airplanes coming and going will make me worse..hahahah! funny! i know! but, it seems like it..
Am abnormal, i think.. Most of my friends also think i am..lol! They think am abnormal enough that even if i get extraordinarily depressed or irritated or discouraged, i just don't get to act appropriately.. I just could not get into my senses, i could not imagine myself getting angry, because i have never been angry i think or because there was not so much of personal experiences that cultivated much of my primitive emotions..(i remember last week when jan-jan, ailee and me had reflexology.The pain was just excruciating that i started to sweat really seriously but everyone looking at me were laughing. Because my words don't match my expressions. i was smiling!).. Renan would tell me (often) that it's not healthy at all. That i should let out all that i feel because i might hit 'one time:big time' blast, and all the people around me might hate me for it-they might think i have changed overnight.. I have practiced my anger skills slowly though, with renan.heheheh! He would complain when i bring out a crispy tone of angst on him,because he thinks he's the only person i'd get to do that to.But i tell him it's because, he's also one of the persons (not mentioning the other) i know would not take it personally on me..
What a big progress i have made in Cebu! I thought i do not go through the normal grieving route.i always end up with depression then acceptance, just that two, over and over again.. But, thank you to my 'solitary moments' and my friends' 'wisdom', i am on track.. Now, i think am angry.. Am angry because for the first time, i have heard what i have been dreading to hear all these years.. I have opted to listen to what my friends were keeping to say from me, because they know i will be hurt.. But now! i have decided to learn about them..
pero karon, ang akong uwahi nga gabi-e dri sa sugbu! =)
nagpalit lang mig pizza(libre ni ailee), softdrinks(libre ni JP), ug litson manok..
Lexmark models! JP, Ailee
Lovebirds-JP, Jan-jan
Sisters-Ailee, Jan-jan
Janica!Cebu would not have been MORE special if not for Ailee, JP, Aiying and of course Jan-jan!
thank you for making my stay fun, reflective, and life-changing!hahhaah!
thank you for making my stay fun, reflective, and life-changing!hahhaah!
iloveyouall soooooooo much! mwah!
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