Superferry12

this was not my first time on a ship ride.

But yesterday's trip was different. after having our 'last supper'(previous post), i hopped to the ship nervously as i blew my kisses to jan-jan and Jp..

there were not so many passengers (because of typhoon santi. in fact this trip was rescheduled from a day trip to a night trip). i settled on the upper deck to avoid getting distracted with other passengers as i was finishing the book i can't quite get my hands into because of a busy schedule (sa laag!hihihih-witch of Portobello). the television located in front of me kept my attention on loose because ella(kristine hermosa) was proposing to miguel(jericho rosales-who i love so much!) in the teleserye Dahil my isang Ikaw. i think everyone else were Kapamilya since they were all smiling when i secretly glanced on them, worried that i might be on autistic mode again..heheheh Apparently not. they were all so glued up to the television, much more for the next program:PBB double Up. i can smell their excitement as others were fixing themselves on their bed trying to get the most comfortable position as they waited for the advertisements to finish. hahahah! to our surprise, somebody turned off the television claiming that it was "Oh! so loud!" for her sleeping son..hm! what a kill joy! Luckily, somebody was brave enough to get up and turn it on. this time, i felt deaf! the audio was so low that the only choice left for us was to do lipreading.

i finished my book around 12midnight, when two men in black scout ranger uniforms(they were ship crews) about my age, were standing right in front of the bed, maybe a meter away from me. they would not stop looking at me, lying on my bed, so i got up with my phones and a new book to read(bridge across forever) and went straight to the restaurant. they followed me in there and sat right in front of my table now facing me directly. i was nervous! i was stressed! i was beginning to read my book when one of the crazyheads came up and said, " masisira ng mata mo nyan!", then offering a 'please-listen-to-me-look'. i just smiled. then he went on and said, "gusto mo ng kape?". pwede muambak sa barko?! i don't like the attention. i ignored him. Then a few minutes passed, he was taking pictures of me on his phone, what?! it was too much! what to do?what to do? when they went out ( i don' know where they went), i sipped coffee and went down to the minimart to buy instant noodles when one of them i happened to bump into.i was on the stairs last step down, he wanted to go up.grrrr! then he asked me, "saan ka?" asking like were friends, for politeness sake, i answered i want to buy noodles. he continued, "gusto mo samahan kita?" my mind was shouting no!!!! but i was so shy to be snob, i said, "hindi na..", but he went with me anyway pretending he didn't hear me. i felt like i had a personal bodyguard.. we went back to the restaurant but he did not sit with me. i felt better with the idea that nobody notices me, so i can freely do what i want to do without me getting bothered about them. then i got bored reading, the ship was going with the waves, i started to write. i got my pen, wrote something on the receipt(of my noodles) then another crew came up and said, "gusto mo kunan kita ng papel?", now i have a yaya i mean, a yayo..hai..he really came with a paper. it was around 4:30am that time.. i said my thank you, and they all went out! indeed, a big THANK YOU!

i wrote the songs that played on their stereo on the receipt, and all my thoughts on the paper the guy gave me..



though i got stressed up with those men, who when i was going down of the ship, lined down on the stairs and waved goodbye, i was thankful they kept me awake! the whole night!hahahahah!

until the morning broke, i did not understand how i felt.. even the magnificence of the sunrise was not able to calm me..


shipthoughts:

*feels like something's posted on my back that broadcasts my 'status'..=))
*Loneliness was so evident that even their niceness, i mistaken of something else. this makes me wish to be a child again- the innocence and the genuineness of gratitude.
*i remember exactly the feeling when i rode the 'space shuttle'. it was horrible(i would not have done it if not for the so-excited lolo!). the thought of that experience turns my stomach upside down. and, that is exactly what i feel right now. i can already see the port area in the restaurant windows through the flickering lights spread like fireflies on cold mountains. i can throw up any minute now, my hands are trembling. It felt returning to a place i have never been for years, uncertain of how much the people has changed.

the songs played at this moment makes it all worse- 'umagang kay ganda'(halika ka na! harapin, limutin ang problema...).why can't just my tachycardic pulse calm down with the darkness giving up its power to sunrise. why can't i just move with the other passengers' pace as they excitedly eat their breakfast on the tables around me.

people are smiling at me as if greeting good morning to a loved one they expect to see upon getting out of the portgate. guiltily, i can't smile.i just just can't let out the 'smile' my friends have known me for. i am anxious! i am scared!