exactly.

oh! i wish to disappear. right now. forever.:(

it was exactly a year ago when i felt exactly this same feeling. i do not know what to do anymore.

Lord, help.

officially...

be careful what you wish for...you just might get it!

am back! i have been very busy for a while, until now, but i have manged to somehow insert this into my schedule.

it has been seven (7) months since i have met the man i have been wishing for. The man, according to renan, was the perfect one among the many "likes" in the past. He displays and acts the exact description of the type of man i have dreamed of..

so, what exactly do i want?
well, along the years of loving and failing, i realized that women go through three
(3) stages of picturing the man they want to end up with.

Stage One- the teenage dream. I was in high school when i had my first crush. The time, the type of man i dreamed contributed to the movies i joyfully watched. Back then, i wanted a Starboy.hihihihi..the boy everybody loved, wished for & hoped for. The boy all the girls at school wanted to be hand cuffs with during foundation days. The MVP of the school intramurals, who girls clap their hands for while playing the games. The starplayer of the schoolband, who could play not one, but many instruments. Teens loved challenge, and although he was only my own version of starboy, it was a flattering feeling that others notice him too. I do not know if i exactly got what i wanted but, i had one. just enough to fill up some of the starboy qualities above.

Stage two- the debutant dream. My own starboy faded away before i had my 18th birthday. Apparently, he found another stargirlSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Enough of him, my preference changed. I wanted a man who, not only the whole high school liked- but the whole university liked. hahahah. But because i belonged to a college who shared the same building with the 'men-of-nature'-aggies, i began to like dirty-looking poeple.ahem! the very tall ones, big muscles, dingo boots, cowboy hats, mountaineers, long hairs, aviator shades, and the one that carried the "i-did-not-took-a-bath-one-week-look"..heheheheh I have just loved that idea that he can be my protector, my shield and my carrier?heheheh. well, i almost had one but, you know..."bakit ngayon ka lang..bakit ngayon kung kelan ang aking puso'y meron ng laman...":(

Stage three- the marrying age dream. you just arrive in an age where you just want someone to love you for who you are.. who you think would make you happy until gray hairs are countable(?) and white hairs aren't anymore.. but, God is so great. he granted me so much blessings that i get to have a starboy, a protector, and the man who'd love for for me. i have found him! my starboy- the man who'd be the star of my nights, giving a little but sparkling light, not expecting too much and a protector who'd make me safe during days, always..

i have found what i have wished for.. and we are starting to fulfill another wish, dream..
so, just wish, and pray.....you will get it!

until the next time, next chapter..:D

homecoming..

lolo denver,

i know no amount of words can ever ease the pain right now. But, always remember that it's not losing at all.. We are all pilgrims of this foreign land, and the ultimate goal is to return home..

I am certain he's happy where he is, and THERE- no amount of pain, agony, sorrow and weakness can ever reach him again.. Always remember that now, more than ever, the need of phone calls, e-mails & letters will not be needed to feel his presence. He will always be right by your side watching and guiding you..

We miss you lolo.. be okay..:D

directly proportional..

heart,

my work may 'always' get in the way but, always remember- i love you forever..:D
please forgive me, if at times, i forget some things for you or i get to ignore your messages and calls..

my amount of work is directly proportional to the love i have for you..

thank you for understanding always..xoxo

you're always in my mind..xoxo

i miss you..:(

videoke..

i cannot sing to save my life, for sure..but, there are really those moments that you just don't care what others may say.. you just want to let it out..

marjo is gonna kill me for posting it here..:))

thank you for the hosts..:)))))

in love and in war!:D

Happiness!

The best way to cheer yourself up
is to try to cheer somebody else up.
~Mark Twain


he's cheering me up, all the time..

thank you heart! mwah!

tonight.

today, i am celebrating my love for the one person i have never felt more special my entire life.

it`s our second monthsary, and we just went out to eat and stroll around night cafe. watched 4th ID band play at the kiosk while seating at the bench. we also watched Cherry Mobile`s mini concert at the opposite end of the street. i was extremely happy-WE were..

after getting home, i had a chat with renan. it was nice to catch up with him. my heart was filled with so much joy because he was happy for me. And i guess, i just had to hear it from him. He has just made me realize more that i am making the right choices because i am making myself extremely happy..And that i am making him happy because he expressed that he would want to see me someday become a wife & a mommy than just being a tita..heheheh.

heart?

thank you for.always making me happy.for trying to like the things i love.for trying your best to fit into my circle of friends.for giving up the things you`re used to for me.and most specially for LOVING me like nobody has ever loved me before.

am looking forward to spending my life with you heart.

i love you very much.

kaamulan festival 2010

2009 kaamulan celebration was nice! But we (marjo)arrived there with the parade already moving which unfortunately left us with no choice but to run to catch the contenders and take pictures.

this year, we were wiser-i`d like to think so- and more excited. we went to Malaybalay the day before the parade so we could have enough time to sleep and prepare for the parade the next day..well, half of the things planned pushed through like travelling ahead but the `enough time to sleep for the parade`-we kind of missed.

anyway, we failed to see the `ritual` of the natives because even if i heard marjo`s alarm snooze itself repeatedly for many minutes i purposefully did not wake anyone.hahahah! aside from the fact that it was really very early and it was not even 2 hours since we slept, i was too sacred to take a bath at dawn.i succeeded!yehey!

so we got up around 6. i realized it didn`t make a difference a few hours before. it was still very cold with fog around. nevertheless, i was too excited for the pictures so i just took a bath. believe me! it was really cold. it felt like anesthesia when the water dripped down on me..

we arrived just on time for the parade. it was AWESOME! i enjoyed very much watching the colorful floats pass by with the equally wonderful dancers showing off their tribe`s pride. there were a lot of people, i felt like i was just in cdo because almost everyone i saw were the same people i see back here.hehehehe

the booths were not as nice as last year though but, it was fine. we had more time watching over people in kaamulan grounds.

it was really nice to go some place sometime and not do anything but enjoy. it was more wonderful because this time around, i had someone to walk the grounds with, holding hands.

these are some of the pictures!















despite the terrible sunburn we all got, i enjoyed it very much!
and unlike my few souvenirs last year, this time i only got one-earrings!

till next year!
:D

hapi valentines day!

this would be my funniest and my most memorable valentines so far..
wahahahah!

"mas okay nga mura kog manananggal ksa mura kog gali!"..wahahahah

i love you heart!

flowers..

i love them.
i grew up surrounded by a lot of them.
i love their colors that somehow uplift your spirit.
i love how they smell.

am learning how to arrange them.
i hope i can perfect this.
;)

hapi valentines day heart!

insanely flattering?

now, i dont know which to like!

a: if you say no to someone and sanely accepts it, even if everything inside you`s chaotic because your angry he`s taking it calmly despite your big want for him to come ask you back..

or

b: if you say no to someone and insanely accepts it. that `someone` gets really angry with you because he doesn`t understand why and then stuffs himself with alcohol,throws his phone turning it to pieces and goes somewhere really far then curses everyone on his way because he`s hurt of what you did.

bobot`s fiesta 2010!

it was a nice event because nagreunion mi nursing friends!
thanx for the food bot!

heart..

i have always had a lot to say about anything..

my heart`s so full lately, the love that`s filling it wants to come out bursting..

but, no word comes out of me. hm..how come? why am i different today? why do i feel like an alien to myself? because it`s been different the past days..because i have realized that the past had indeed a purpose..and that purpose was to find my heart!;)

i love you HEART!

sneak preview..

jan! i posted this for you..

i remember what you told me about posting a picture..

but, i know you want to see this..

:)

trifecta;perfecta(paborrow jan..)

two of my bestest friends!

different personalities(obvious ba sa attires?,sa hairdo? ug sa uban pa),

but one in heart!

one married, one engaged, one single..

pareha mi 3 tabi-an..heheheh

i love them sssssssoooooooo much!<3

friends forever!

december 26, 2009

skypark,cdo

happy 2010!

this is my first 2010 picture!

i wish i can make myself as simple as a picture. easy to uncolor. easy to edit.

but, it`s not.

i just want to remind myself that i can be as plain as this picture for today, and then, wait for the rest of 364 days to color it..

am hopin you`d get to grab a crayon yourself, and help me color my life for me..

last year was not my year i think although, i don`t believe in chinese horoscopes and the likes. am under the year of the rat which i celebrated 2 years ago. They said `rat` people will have a wonderful year in 2008, and i had one indeed! back on that year, i had a job at the opening of the year. i invested my time with friends i loved dearly and i think loved me back `dearlier`(i do not know the comparative word for it). Adventure knocked and although i was not that kind of person who`d go for it-i went anyway. At the end of the year, i went for a trip of a lifetime. with lifetime i meant-you know, making the most of my time for my future. Well, things didn`t work out the way i planned it, but, who am i to plan for a life not mine in a land not also mine. Despite it, i was happy for everything i have had for that year.

for 2008-thank you to:

*house of hope for the work.

*mart for the whatever we had..hahahah!

*jan-jan for always being there..

*des, marjo, mapam, mabi, lolo, bobot for all the laughters!

*an-an and `te ebie for you know..hihihih

*aldrin ,who despite making my aunt (an-an above) cry, for taking me into a responsibility..

*rafih khoury for giving me a job.

*farrah for all the kindness!

*renan! for everything. though i text him once in a

while (every birthday-heheheh) how much i love him really as a brother, i`d like to tell him again that, even if God did not grant me my plans of making a life in a land where he is, am thankful enough to HIM for granting me the time to spend with him anyway.

then 2009 came.

it wasn`t really a good year at least for me. no permanent job and in fact,

all i did for the year was.............................

WAIT.

for a job

for love

for peace of mind

for freedom

for the airplane?heheheh

now i decided to just laugh the time away.

it`s a brand new year.

brand new WAITINGS..

and i am hoping to wait for a THING worth waiting for..

today isn`t just a beginning of a new year,

because there are a few things (aside from the year) that`s new too!

*a sister that has just been married.

*and, well for me, a love am hoping to prosper.hahahah!

happy new year!

anyway, these were some of the family new year pictures!