exactly.

oh! i wish to disappear. right now. forever.:(

it was exactly a year ago when i felt exactly this same feeling. i do not know what to do anymore.

Lord, help.

officially...

be careful what you wish for...you just might get it!

am back! i have been very busy for a while, until now, but i have manged to somehow insert this into my schedule.

it has been seven (7) months since i have met the man i have been wishing for. The man, according to renan, was the perfect one among the many "likes" in the past. He displays and acts the exact description of the type of man i have dreamed of..

so, what exactly do i want?
well, along the years of loving and failing, i realized that women go through three
(3) stages of picturing the man they want to end up with.

Stage One- the teenage dream. I was in high school when i had my first crush. The time, the type of man i dreamed contributed to the movies i joyfully watched. Back then, i wanted a Starboy.hihihihi..the boy everybody loved, wished for & hoped for. The boy all the girls at school wanted to be hand cuffs with during foundation days. The MVP of the school intramurals, who girls clap their hands for while playing the games. The starplayer of the schoolband, who could play not one, but many instruments. Teens loved challenge, and although he was only my own version of starboy, it was a flattering feeling that others notice him too. I do not know if i exactly got what i wanted but, i had one. just enough to fill up some of the starboy qualities above.

Stage two- the debutant dream. My own starboy faded away before i had my 18th birthday. Apparently, he found another stargirlSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Enough of him, my preference changed. I wanted a man who, not only the whole high school liked- but the whole university liked. hahahah. But because i belonged to a college who shared the same building with the 'men-of-nature'-aggies, i began to like dirty-looking poeple.ahem! the very tall ones, big muscles, dingo boots, cowboy hats, mountaineers, long hairs, aviator shades, and the one that carried the "i-did-not-took-a-bath-one-week-look"..heheheheh I have just loved that idea that he can be my protector, my shield and my carrier?heheheh. well, i almost had one but, you know..."bakit ngayon ka lang..bakit ngayon kung kelan ang aking puso'y meron ng laman...":(

Stage three- the marrying age dream. you just arrive in an age where you just want someone to love you for who you are.. who you think would make you happy until gray hairs are countable(?) and white hairs aren't anymore.. but, God is so great. he granted me so much blessings that i get to have a starboy, a protector, and the man who'd love for for me. i have found him! my starboy- the man who'd be the star of my nights, giving a little but sparkling light, not expecting too much and a protector who'd make me safe during days, always..

i have found what i have wished for.. and we are starting to fulfill another wish, dream..
so, just wish, and pray.....you will get it!

until the next time, next chapter..:D